I felt this matter deserved a post rather than an addendum on other post. I have not been sewing much lately nor blogging due to the illness and loss of my grandmother.
My grandma passed away peacefully after almost two weeks in the hospital from heart disease. She was 89 and outlasted my grandpa by four years.
My house is right next door to my grandma’s on my family’s ranch and I have been helping to care for her for five years. She had dementia, which was sometimes very difficult to deal with, and these past few years have been quite a harrowing experience for my family and I. If you have dealt with a family member with dementia, then you’re familiar with the disease and how it effects not only the one afflicted with it, but the family who cares for that person. I have some very bad memories of my grandma in her demented state and the only way I’ve been able to care for her was to try to remember my grandma from years ago and try to focus on that. It is somewhat of a relief that she has passed as she is free from the chronic pain of her severe osteoarthritis and from her addled mind. In my family, the Knights (my grandmother’s maiden name) always have “decided” when it’s their time to go. My grandma had been telling me for a few weeks that she wasn’t going to be here anymore and although she looked rather normal and on the road to recovery when I visited her a few hours before her heart gave out, she must have decided that it was time to join my grandpa.
I am at peace with my grandma and pray that she is happy in the afterlife. I remember all that she taught me and will never forget all of the skills she passed on to me. I’m happy that she was able to continue to live in her home and that she led a fulfilling life, doing everything that she wanted to. If my grandma had a bucket list, everything on it would have been checked off. She lived and traveled all of the world and volunteered with many causes including: adult literacy, hunger, senior advocacy and she taught English to Mexican immigrants. She had the greenest of thumbs, was the best baker I ever came across and along with teaching me how to sew, she attempted to teach me every life skill she thought I’d ever need. She was an avid horsewoman and a lover of animals and I’ll always remember the lambs being bottle fed on the porch and the hummingbirds she rescued from her cats until they were able to fly off again. I spent my entire life growing up with my grandma as my parents’ home is just down the driveway and I was always riding my bike over and sleeping over at my grandparents’ house. That’s the grandma that I’d like to remember.
I thought I may not be able to get to my sewing machine for a while as sorting through and cleaning a lifetime of memories in a large house takes a lot of time. Thankfully, my grandma had a housekeeper for the last few months, so the cleaning of my grandparents’ home is more of materials that need to be sorted, donated and arranged rather than cleaned of dirt and grime. I’ve decided that there’s no rush on this and I am taking my time, doing a sort of “triage” on the house and doing first what is most important, like food in the kitchen and medications. This decision has left less stress on myself at a stressful time and more time to focus on other things as I do what needs to be done, little by little.
So, yesterday I got back to my sewing machine and made some zippered pillow covers for my couch out of upholstery fabric. I had been meaning to do this for a year….. but now they’re finally done and I’m so very happy with them. I posted them yesterday on Instagram, if you’d like to check them out. There’s nothing like a simple project to get you back in the groove. I find sewing and doing what I love to aide greatly with grief. After all, our loved ones would not want us to sit around being depressed at their passing — they’d rather see a smile on our face. 🙂
Hi Tanya. I found your blog from the SMS Challenge. I lost my dad last Aug and he had dementia too the last 3 years. His disease was cancer and I thank God he did have dementia because he didn’t realize how sick he was most of the time. In his mind, he was still in the Navy (actually he only served from 1961-1965). I’m an only child and my parents divorced in 82. His new wife of 25 years was his primary care taker but it was so sad at times to have him ask me who she was. Every once in awhile he’d whisper to me that he thought he was losing his mind. But I had a great last day with him and I was able to tell him what a great dad he was and how proud I was to be his daughter. His last words on this earth were, “I love you too.” Now I see his great granddaughter and smile because I can see his face in hers. She is his legacy. In the weeks following his death, I sewed and sewed and sewed. It took my mind off my grief and kept my hands busy. Sewing was my salvation and I’m glad it was for you too. Peace girl and best of luck in the challenge. Love the blouse and your version put it on my list of to-do’s.
Sorry for your loss.
So sorry for your loss – it must help to know you cared for her as she cared for you and she’s helped you become the person you are. My nanna also decided when she wanted to go, she was a tiny, scary Yorkshire woman that was very much the head of our family. Take as much time as you need to go through things, and keep remembering the good times x
Oh Tanya, I’m so sorry for your loss. I grew up in the same neighborhood as my grandparents and helped to take care of my grandma in her later years, too. Your grandma sounds like a grand lady!
Tanya, I’m terrible at knowing what to say to people when they have been touched by tragedy.
I’m sending lots of positive and love filled thoughts your way and I’m hoping you and your family have lots of love and support.
I’m very glad to read that you can see some positives in this situation; like she will be at peace and you don’t have to clean dirt as your are sorting through her possessions.
And you’re absolutely right Tanya, the ones who love you would not want you to be miserable. So I’m glad you’ve managed to sit at your sewing machine and do something you love.
V xo
that last line, especially beautiful and especially true. i’m so sorry for your loss, tanya. much love to you and your family!
Dementia sucks, and caregivers to people with dementia are worthy, worthy people.
I like the grace with which you approached your grandmother’s illness, I like how you kept the most important aspects of her close.
I wish you and your family peace and a return to joy.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I wish I had something profound to say but I don’t. I’m just sending you some love and hugs and internet casseroles.
Oh, Tanya, I’m so sorry about your grandmother. My husband’s grandfather also had dementia, but his progressed very quickly so it was only a few months before he died. He was such a smart man–PhD, superintendent of the local school district–and as the disease progressed, you could tell he was embarrassed and tried to cover it up because of that. I remember when we were going to my brother-in-law’s college graduation, he kept forgetting where we were going, and it was extra sad because it was even the same college he’d graduated from. I’m really glad you at least have a lot of good memories with your grandparents. My own didn’t visit us often (and we couldn’t travel to them easily because there were 8 kids in my family), so I don’t have a lot of memories with mine.
Oh, and you look SO MUCH like your grandmother!
So sorry for you loss! Sounds like you have lots of beautiful memories to remember her by. Lots of hugs!! xoxo
I’m so sorry, Tanya. Two of my grandparents were stricken by Alzheimer’s disease, and like you, I prefer to remember them as they were before the illness stole their minds away. (Like you, I was well into my adulthood when they passed away, and I am thankful to have so many years worth of memories.) It’s so hard to watch a loved one fade away and be changed by dementia, and I admire you for being there for your grandmother during her time of need. My thoughts and deepest sympathy are with you and your family, especially since you must face your grief afresh as you sort through the house. May you find joy and comfort in your happy memories of her, in your family, and in your sewing during this sad time.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Tanya. It’s hard watching the people you love become shadows of themselves. I’m glad your memories were able to give you strength to keep on caring for this remarkable woman. My husband has lost a Grandma and Grandpa to dementia. It was really tough especially seeing his Grandpa–he was such a kind, gentle man, but even with his mind gone, his faith endured which was really encouraging. I hope you’re able to keep on sewing in the middle of the triage process…the pillows are beautiful!
Grandparents are such precious people. I have such great memories with my grandparents and my kids with theirs, so to loose is hard no matter our age. Always remember the good times and keep her close at heart always. Warmth of heart to you and your family xx
Really sorry to hear of your loss. Your Grandma sounds like a truly remarkable and inspiring woman. Dementia is a terrible disease to live with, my Grandad had it, so my heart goes out to you and your family. I am sure she will be very proud of you carrying on her legacy. Sending you best wishes. Xx
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss and really appreciate your beautiful honest writing. Your grandma sounds absolutely incredible! As awful as it is that she is no longer with you, it will be much easier to remember how strong and kind and inspiring she was now the dementia monster has left her in peace. Sending you and your family a lot of love, Rosie xxx
Sorry for your loss Tanya; it sounds like you have many wonderful memories of her though. How awesome to live so close you could ride your bike over 🙂 sewing sounds like a wonderful way to honor her memory and move forward with grief. Xx
I can see where you have a resemblance to your grandmother. This is a beautiful tribute to her. Take comfort in knowing that you are continuing her legacy by using many of the skills she taught you.
What a lovely tribute to your grandmother. My father had dementia – it is indeed difficult – he died last year at the age of 92. Like you, I prefer to remember the father from my younger years.
Bless you and take comfort from all the lovely memories shared with your grandma. She sounds like quite a wonderful lady; and is now at peace and pain-free.
Tanya, I am so sorry for your loss. x
I’m so sorry for your loss. You are very lucky to have so many great memories of your grandma. And she was very lucky to have you to take such good care of her in her time of need.
I know what you mean when you say doing what you love aides with grief. I lost my best friend of 27 years a few weeks ago from complications related to Lupus. When I found out she was in a coma and all I could really do was wait, I found it oddly comforting to find some lovely black material and make a dress that I hoped upon hope would only be a new LBD. I also felt ashamed to admit to anyone except my husband (until now) that I made it knowing its true purpose.
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You have written a beautiful tribute to your grandmother. Lots of light and love in this difficult time x
Oh! It’s so hard going through this stuff. Just know that you are not alone. You are so blessed to have had such a wonderful grandma. She obviously loved you very much and taught you so many awesome skills. Take care of yourself as you go through this hard part.
I’m so sorry for your loss, and for the bad memories from the last bit. I’m so glad you were able to hold on to those good memories. And that you’ve found a way to take the pressure off yourself. Going through those things can be hard, especially if you feel time pressured.
Your grandma sounds like a wonderful woman! Seems to me she would be all for you getting to what you love!
Tanya, I’m so sorry to hear of your loss, but I do appreciate your sharing your wonderful memories of your remarkable grandmother. Hugs to you during this difficult time!
My deepest sympathies for your loss. Your grandmother was a beautiful woman. You honor her every day, by using and doing what she taught you, including this blog. Thank you for sharing. My first dress from your blog will be in her honor, too. Gentle hugs. xx
I’m so very sorry to hear about your grandmother’s passing. But I hear you on dementia. My dearest friend has both parents with dementia, and her mother just passed away recently, which was a blessed relief for both mum and the family. It has been so hard on my friend, and my heart breaks for her, especially as she lives a 4 hour drive away from them all, and has to make her visits every fortnight, and just ends up frustrated at the distance and the very noticeable degradation of her parent’s health and mind.
I’m glad you got to support your grandmother, living so close. And yes, while the dementia and behaviour that goes with it is a bad memory to have, the good times and memories are worth retaining. That was mentioned at my friend’s mum’s funeral – while they have the best memories of her growing up and entering adulthood, they can’t forget the horrors of dementia and how it tried to kill those beautiful memories.
All the very best to you and your family, Tanya. xx
Your grandmother was quite the beautiful and talented lady. While I’m very sorry for your loss, you sound at peace With it. May your memories continue to bring you joy as you grieve. g
I am so very sorry for your loss! Caring for aging parents or grandparents can be a very difficult time. Praying for healing and peace.
So sorry to hear this. My father had dementia the last few years of his life, and, yes, “harrowing” is the word for it. And it is a relief when it ends, I completely agree; I felt that I did a lot of my mourning before he actually died, and there was more relief than anything afterward. Hugs to you and please continue to take good care of yourself.
What a beautiful and heart-felt tribute to your grandma. Thank you for sharing your heart with your readers. I can see your smile and your nose came from your beautiful grandma!
Sorry to hear about your grandma, though I’m glad she is in a better place and with your grandpa. My thoughts are with you!
I am so, so sorry for your loss, Tanya. You’ve written a beautiful post in tribute to your grandmother. I know how difficult it is to watch someone you love dearly suffer, and I also understand the feeling of peace when that loved one is no longer suffering. Your grandmother lives on in you.
Tanya this was a lovely lovely post. My own dear Nana lived until she was 87, and I was always grateful that the dementia that visited my Grandpa before he passed, was not something she went through.(Or we did, as you describe so well). Love to you, and I’m glad you found getting a project done refreshing. I love the picture you posted of your Grandmother, so I’m sharing one of mine too. XO
Sending love and hugs your way, Tanya! Your grandmother sounds like she was truly a lovely, vibrant person. What wonderful genes and skills she passed on to you!
This was a lovely tribute to your grandmother. <3 I lost my Nana (paternal grandmother) just a few years ago and it was incredibly difficult to say goodbye. There are still times when I use the dishes I inherited or the put on the jewelry she gave me that I get choked up. I'm teary right now. 🙂 It's so good, though, to know that they aren't suffering anymore (my Nana passed because of late-stage lung cancer at 82) and that they influenced your life so positively and made you into the person you are today. And, Tanya, you are an amazing person. Many virtual hugs to you. <3